Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize