everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
