worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
