Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
