she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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