This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
