Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
worst night to have a conscience
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
