i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
