Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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