I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
