either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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