a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
