Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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