Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize