I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
