Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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