i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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