Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
