somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
