Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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