You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
