shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
