I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
