you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
