another moral hangover. fuck.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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