Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
