So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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