1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
