you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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