So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
