Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
