I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He is an equal opportunity slut.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Randomize
