Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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