wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
