I am spending my child support on dildos
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
