Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need a beard to bite.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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