He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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