the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
