Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
