i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
