Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
