I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
