dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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