Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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