all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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