wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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