I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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