You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
