we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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