matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
