dude i'm inner monologue high
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
