Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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