I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
