There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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