You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
