Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
