John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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