Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
