you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
