Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
