I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
