You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
