Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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