Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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