you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
