i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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