She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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