By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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