Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
