And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
