Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
