Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize