He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
