he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
