Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
