Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
