she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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