I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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