ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
