dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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