dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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