I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's always time for handjobs
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
