Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
