how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
