my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
