I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i out mim tonsoeep
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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