I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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