Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
