either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
