I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
