Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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