take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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