I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize