You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
