She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
