What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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