I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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