if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
