Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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