He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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