scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
