i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
