the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
