I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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