Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
