This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
