I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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