yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
