She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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